


Whip Up Something Spicy For Me Baby

by hermioneclone



Category: Glee
Genre: Characters Are in Fandom, Cotton Candy Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-27
Updated: 2012-10-27
Packaged: 2019-12-26 00:52:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18272465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hermioneclone/pseuds/hermioneclone
Summary: Sometimes Kurt really wishes that he liked porn. For reasons.





	Whip Up Something Spicy For Me Baby

**Author's Note:**

> This work originally appeared on [Scarves and Coffee](http://www.scarvesandcoffee.net/viewstory.php?sid=6906&chapter=1) on October 27, 2012. My apologies for any errors or inconsistencies I missed when originally posting this fic.
> 
> I got way too excited for this prompt...Warnings: Really bad implied porn. Also, mostly AU because Blaine is like a GPOY of me and tumblr. Rating R ish.

Kurt sighed as he snuggled a little closer to Blaine. "I wish I liked porn."

Blaine had to stop himself from from laughing out loud, but only really succeeded in making a strangled choking noise. "What?" he sputtered once he had recovered a little.

"I wish I liked porn," Kurt repeated, looking up at him seriously. "I mean, I'm leaving for New York in a few days and who know when I'll get to see you again...there'll just be times when having a little something to get in the mood would be nice, that's all."

Blaine nodded. "That makes sense."

Kurt shrugged. "I don't know. I've tried, I really have. It makes no sense, I'm totally fine with sex now, but every time I try to watch it I just get so turned off. I mean, come on, half of them look so fake it's ridiculous."

Blaine chuckled, pressing a kiss into the top of his head. "There's other kinds of porn, you know."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "If you're suggesting that I read 50 Shades of Misogyny..."

Blaine scrunched his face up in disgust. "No, of course not. That's just crap. There is quality porn on the internet that is ten bazzilion time better than that. Hold on let me show you something." He rolled away from Kurt, reaching over to the side of his bed to grab his laptop. He quickly found his favorite folder and clicked on one of the links he saved. "You know that show we watch?"

"Which one, we watch a lot of television, Blaine."

"The one with the gay teens."

"You mean the one that we're in an emotionally abusive relationship with?"

"Yeah, that's the one. Well, there's a lot of fan fiction online-"

"Wasn't that book fan fiction?"

Blaine shuddered. "That rag gives the genre a bad name."

Kurt smirked. "Genre?"

"It totally is!" Blaine replied defensively. "Just, come here, read this."

He put the computer in Kurt's lap and watched him as he began to read. Kurt's face slowly shifted from skepticism to curiosity to turned on. He started shifting awkwardly, and for some reason the fact that his boyfriend's boner was pressing into his laptop made him feel a little dizzy. Kurt exhaled loudly as he closed the lid, biting his lip as he looked over at Blaine meekly. "That was..."

"Good?" Blaine asked, wanting to tease but he knew how touchy Kurt was about this. 

"Hot," Kurt replied, blushing. "I never...I never thought..."

"Yeah."

Kurt paused. "So, there's more of that?"

Blaine laughed. "So much more. And there's a lot that is just a lot of sex and it's fine, but I like ones like that one the best."

"Any particular reason?" Kurt asked. "Besides the fact that it's hot?"

Blaine shrugged. "Well, I think the reason it's so hot is that they so clearly love each other. It's not just sex, it's...more."

Kurt nodded, leaning over to kiss Blaine softly. "It's always better when there's love."

Blaine hummed in agreement. An idea struck him. "Kurt?"

"Yeah?"

"How about we write our own?"

Kurt frowned. "Huh?"

"Let's write Klaine porn!"

Kurt looked at him judgementally. "Klaine?"

Blaine huffed. "It's our ship name. Like Brangelina. Just go with it. What do you say? I know you find sex with me to be a turn on and-"

Kurt cut him off with another kiss. "Let's do it."

Blaine raised his eyebrows in excitement. "Really?"

"Really." Kurt flipped open the laptop again and quickly brought up a word document. "Okay," he chirped. "Where do we start? Seeing as you have much more experience in this area judging by the number of links in that folder..." Blaine gave him a playful shove in retaliation. "Hey!"

"We need a situation."

Kurt frowned. "To have sex?"

Blaine shrugged. "I mean, we don't have to, but it makes it a little more than just a quick fuck."

"Makes sense. What should we do?"

"Well, you come home after a long day of work and I have dinner waiting for you as a surprise."

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Is this...?"

Blaine kissed his forehead. "Our future, yeah."

Kurt grinned. "I like it. Okay, so I come home and I am drawn in by the savory aroma wafting through the apartment," he spoke aloud as he started typing.

"And you walk in on me stirring something on the stove wearing nothing but an apron.

"Well, that escalated quickly."

"You know how much I hate pants. 

"You'll get burned! That's no fun."

"It's fiction, we can do whatever we want."

Kurt sighed. "Fine. So, you're wearing an apron and I come in and ask what's for dinner."

"And I say, ‘Me!'"

Kurt could barely contain a snort. "And I say I don't think that's a very good idea because then I'd get lonely."

"And then you kiss me."

"And then I kiss you. And tell you to turn off the stove so we don't burn down the house, because it's going to get hot in here."

Blaine guffawed. "And you thought me in an apron was bad."

"Shut up."

"Make me."

Kurt grinned. "Gladly. When we're done. Now, you pull me into the bedroom and help me rip off all my clothes because I happened to wear a few less layers in our future."

Blaine smiled at him sideways. "Aw, I like the layers," he muttered, causing Kurt to blush slightly. "Okay, so we're naked."

"I am, you're still wearing that stupid apron."

"The apron is not stupid!"

"Okay, so I take you in my arms and-"

"You thrust your aching loins into my hand-"

"If you ever say aching loins again I'm never going to show it to you ever again."

"Aching loins are better than twinkle tube."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He sighed. "This is harder than I thought it would be."

"Yeah," Blaine agreed, eyes unconsciously drawn downward. "I think we need to do some research."

"Research?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah. Maybe we should try out some of the stuff in that fic. You know, for inspiration."

Kurt bit his lip in what Blaine knew to be a sign that he was really turned on. "For science?"

"For science." Blaine leaned down and captured Kurt's mouth in his own as he pushed the laptop out of the way.

Kurt giggled. "I guess I like porn if you're in it. Even if you do have no idea how to wear an apron."

Blaine grinned. "Oh come on, you love the apron."

"I love you."

"I love you too. Now let me worship you."  
"Just shut up and save the smut for those cold, lonely nights."

"Yes, Master."

"Blaine?"

"Yeah?"

"Just for that I'm not blowing you."

"Jerk,"

"Better get started with that."

"Okay!" Blaine agreed with a bit too much enthusiasm. 

"Dork,"

"You know you love it."

"I do."

Seeing that the conversation was going nowhere, Kurt leaned rolled over so he was pinning Blaine to the bed. He contemplated whispering something sexy in his boyfriend's ear, but frankly that would just distract them at this point and he really, really wanted to get off.

Blaine had the best ideas ever.


End file.
